Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney is said to be considering dropping out of the Republican nomination race for United States president, according to sources close to the former Massachusetts governor. Tentative reports out of the Romney camp indicate that the candidate has realized that despite the fact that he nearly has the nomination locked up, it might be cheaper for him to simply buy the entire country of Canada and elect himself Prime Minister than it would be to continue on with an expensive American general election campaign.
“Basically we looked at the numbers, we had a good look at the math and we decided that it was actually cheaper to purchase Canada than it was to defeat Barack Obama in the fall” an anonymous Romney adviser revealed in an interview to The Daily Currant, “It’s something that’s been in the back of Mitt’s mind for awhile. If you take all the real estate and investment assets in Canada, it works out to just a little bit more than the cost of the 2008 Republican campaign. This year the spending is already exceeding that rate by over 30%. Mitt’s always been an investment guy, if becoming PM of Canada is cheaper that’s where he’ll go.”
The plan is to use Romney’s vast personal wealth to buy up strategic companies and real estate assets in the country, giving him a stranglehold on the economy and making his premiership seem inevitable.
The same adviser says that Romney is secretly flying to Ottawa tomorrow to send out feelers for a campaign for Prime Minister. Although he hasn’t decided which political party to join yet, Romney is set to address a closed door session of Parliment where he intends to lay out his vision of Canada’s future should he decide to challenge Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
An advance copy of his speech begins by announcing Romeny’s long-standing love for Canada and Canadian values:
“As a child I grew up in Michigan, just right over there across the border from this great land. Oh I remember the summers I spent here in Ontario, and the drives through on my way to and from Harvard. Everything was perfect – the trees, the lakes, the mountains, the desserts. Just a fantastic. Just a wonderful place. The greatest country on the face of the Earth. But I can’t help but notice that Stephen Harper – although he’s a nice guy – is just way in over his head…”