Sarah Palin Calls For America to Invade Queensland

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Sarah Palin Calls For America to Invade Queensland

In a passionate speech to a convention of conservative Tea Party activists, former U.S. Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has called on President Obama to invade the Australian state of Queensland to preemptively deter what she described as “the gathering threat” of  Queen Elizabeth II’s imperial ambitions.

Always vigilant about external threats to American power, the 48-year-old former Alaskan governor and Fox News contributor explained to the audience that she first became suspicious of the British Empire during a visit to Canada where she encountered banknotes featuring images of the British Monarch.

Palin later encountered similar images on a trip to the Australian outback with her family.

Sequere Pecuniam

“The Redcoat Empire is coming closer and closer to our shores”

Concerned that the forces of tyranny America defeated with its 1776 war of independence with Great Britian were again on the rise, Palin decided to look up her concerns on the Internet where she discovered a shocking statistic:

“According to Wikipedia the Queen of England currently controls 16 countries in the world,” Palin told the assembled audience “She calls these countries her ‘realms‘ and combined they count for over 7.3 millon square miles of land – almost twice the size of the United States.”

In an apparent misreading of the article, Palin then describes how the Queen has been re-building her empire:

“One by one the Queen is reconquering her lost territory. First Australia. Then New Zealand. Now Canada. The Redcoat Empire is coming closer and closer to our shores. America cannot stand idly by and allow our great revolution of 1776 to be undone.”

“Now the liberal lamestream media may not be coverin’ this story because they don’t care about freedom. But as a god-fearing American I promise to stand up for America against this radical threat to our democracy.”

For God, Not the Empire

After learning the troubling details of the Queen’s plot to reassemble the British Empire, Palin said that God appeared to her in a dream to tell her that the Queen was planning an invasion of the United States during the fall of 2013 and that only Sarah Palin could stop her from succeeding:

“We did not ask for war.” Palin told the crowd, “But faced with a choice between flghting for freedom and accepting the coming Redcoat invasion force – America must choose to fight.  I believe that America must engage in preemtive action military against the Queen in her homeland – Queensland – before it is too late.”

Although never formally dissolved, the British Empire is largely considered to be a relic of the past. The U.K. ceded control of its last important colony – Hong Kong – in 1997, and its remaining territories are mostly a scattered assortment of underpopulated islands.

Some former colonies such as Canada, Australia, and New Zealand maintain the Queen as their monarch, but the crown exercises no more than a ceremonial role in their affairs.

Queen Elisabeth II resides in England. Queensland was named after her 19th century predecessor Queen Victoria.

Reaction to the speech in Australia was dominated by a sense of bemused bewilderment. In an interview with the Daily Currant Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard offered to give Palin a tour of Australia to show her that the Queen niether resides within the country nor has any meaningul influence over its governance.

She also offered Palin free lectures on Australian history:

“We have a fantastic university here in Canberra that can educate the governor on the difference between an absolute monarchy and a constitutional monarchy.” she says  “We also have a wonderful psychiatric hospital overlooking Sydney harbor.”




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