Justin Bieber Rushed to Hospital Following First Erection

Canadian singer and tween heartthrob Justin Bieber is recovering at a Los Angeles area hospital today after being transported by ambulance from his Beverly Hills home.

Initial reports indicate that the 18 year old megastar was incapacitated by a panic attack following the shock of having his first erection.

A call to 911 from the Bieber residence was placed at 10:37pm PST yesterday evening.

The Daily Currant has gained exclusive access to the 911 tapes, reprinted here for your enjoyment:

———-

Justin Bieber: Hello? Hello? Yes my name is Justin. I live at  41 —— Drive.

911: Okay Justin and do you have an emergency?

Justin Bieber: Yes. I think…I think my penis might be having a heart attack or something.

911 Operator: Excuse me?

Justin Bieber:  Well its really big. Like really big. And I can feel my pulse beating inside of it. I don’t know what’s going on. Please help.

911. Okay Jusin. Help is on the way. Can you tell me more about how this happened?

Justin Bieber: Well I was watching The Notebook, you know the movie? And I started thinking about Rachel McAdams. And I started thinking about how I wanted to touch her. Like touch her in a bad way, you know what I mean?

911: Okay…

Justien Bieber: And well. I dunno what happened. It just started growing and growing. And now its bigger than I’ve ever seen it before. Do you think maybe this is cancer? Is this what Lance Armstrong had?

911: You think you have an emergency case of testicular cancer?

Justin Bieber: Maybe. I dunno. It just feels really really uncomfortable.

911: Okay Justin how long ago did this start?

Justin Bieber: Uh…well about 5 minutes ago.

911: Okay so its only been five minutes?

Justin Bieber: Yeah.

911: And is there any pain?

Justin Bieber: No it just feels weird. Like its made of cardboard or something.

911: Okay Justin it sounds to me like what you’re experiencing is called an erection. If there is no pain and only lasts 5 minutes, it is perfectly normal for someone your age. But we’ve dispatched paramedics just in case, because very rarely a sustained erection can be a sign of something more serious.

Justin Bieber: Okay thank you. Can you? Can you stay with me until the medical people arrive. I’m scared.

911: Sure.

———-

Minutes after paramedics arrived and took Bieber to Cedars-Siani Hospital for evaluation.

A source at Cedars-Siani indicates that Bieber is being treated for “exhaustion, shock, and extreme anxiety” and is expected make a full recovery.

The Daily Currant wishes him all the best.

Take Action: Click the button below to tell Bieber to get well soon:


 

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