Bernie Madoff Endorses Mitt Romney

Convicted financial fraudster Bernard Madoff endorsed Mitt Romney for president today, saying the private equity executive has the “ambiguous moral character” needed to juggle the complex challenges facing America.

In an exclusive interview from his jail cell in North Carolina, the architect of the largest ponzi scheme in history tells The Daily Currant that Romney reminds him much of himself:

“Mitt and I are like two peas in a pod. We’re both entrepreneurs in the finance industry who pioneered new business models with little concern for those affected by our decisions.”

“We both got rich fooling rich people and pension funds into believing we could offer higher returns. The only difference between what I did and what he did was I didn’t even pretend to try.”

“The dirty secret on Wall Street is that most investors would do better investing in an index fund than investing in private equity or hedge funds. Romney knew that. I knew that. But we didn’t care. We took our clients money anyway.”

Hail to the Thief

Madoff says Romney’s ability to do anything to make a dollar would serve him well in the White House:

“Defrauding folks is hard work. It takes intelligence, charm, and emotional detachment – all great qualities in a president.”

“We got trillions of debt with the Chinese, for example. You don’t want someone honest in those negotiations. You need a shark. You need someone who can sell shoe polish to an albino child and call it a cure. That’s Mitt Romney in a nutshell.”

“The same is true on matters of national security. I don’t want the guy who worries about human rights or the Geneva Conventions or the no-first use policy. I want the guy who has the Treasury Department short the FTSE and then nukes London. That’s Mitt Romney.”

Madoff is currently serving a 150 year prison sentence for masterminding the greatest financial fraud in history.

Seeking to distance itself from Madoff’s endorsement, the Romney campaign refused to comment on the matter.

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