Al Sharpton Turned Away From Polls

The Reverend Al Sharpton has been turned away from the polls today for failing to produce a photo ID.

The 58 year old civil rights activist and MSNBC host was blocked from casting his ballot by an incompetent volunteer poll worker, who mistakenly believed New York required identification to vote.

The 21-year old graphic designer from Williamsburg recognized Sharpton from television, but nevertheless asked him for his drivers license.

An indignant Sharpton immediately pounced on the perceived voter suppression effort:

“Allow me to explain to you son what will happen if you continue to disenfranchise African-American voters. First, I will have every civil rights organization in the country come down on you – personally – like a ton of bricks. I can have 2,000 protesters outside that door within an hour.”

“Second, I will slap you and this entire operation with so many lawsuits your great-grandchildren will be spending half of what they earn on lawyers. Third, I will tear that iPod of yours out of your ear and shove it up your hipster ass faster than you can say P. Diddy.”

“And lastly I will build a time machine, go back to the 1970’s, fuck your mother and beat your father so hard his sperm won’t swim straight until the premiere of Seinfeld.”

“So are you going to allow me to vote Justin Bieber? Or am I gonna have to take my belt off?”

No Photo, No Problem

The young volunteer then checked with his supervisor and allowed Sharpton to go ahead into the voting booth. In an interview after the incident he said it was all just a misunderstanding:

“I just kept hearing Sharpton talk so much about Voter ID on TV, I figured it must have been the law in New York. So I asked everyone that morning for ID. That was my mistake I guess. They don’t train us very well.”

For his part Sharpton says the episode shows the unintended consequences of the photo ID push. It also revealed Sharpton’s loneliness as a national African-American leader:

“When if first happened I was confused. Normally I’d call Al Sharpton. But I am Al Sharpton. I can’t call myself. What am I supposed to do?”

“Jesse Jackson hasn’t left his couch in ten years. And Jesse Jackson Jr. is literally in a mental institution. There’s no one left to call. This is the problem when you’re the only black leader left. You gotta do everyt

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