Biden Drunk Dials Ryan’s Wife

h_biden_joseph_200771074459125Newly reelected U.S. Vice-President Joe Biden has reportedly drunk dialed rival Paul Ryan‘s wife after ingesting too much celebratory champagne.

After three bottles of bubbly and two keg-stands, the 69-year-old Biden started dialing random numbers from his iPhone.

A reporter at the Democratic HQ celebration party captured the Janna Ryan portion of the incident on tape, and has provided The Daily Currant with the exclusive transcript:

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“Hey who is this? This is Joe…Joe Biden…I’m the fucking Vice-President…of the United States.”

“Janna? Janna Ryan? Wow! How are you honey? Hey I just want you to know your husband ran a great campaign. He’s really a fighter.”

“He’s got a lot of gumption and tenacity.”

“But what I like about him most is his great taste in women.”

“So listen baby you gotta come on down to Chicago this is where the party’s at.”

“Yeah its McCormick Place. Make sure to bring two friends. Good ones. We don’t need any more heffers, we already got Donna Brazile.”

“Hey do you know Jeri Ryan by any chance? Is she like a cousin or something?”

“Tell her to get down here too. Its a fucking PARTY!”

—–

Biden then conference called Callista Gingrich, Calista Flockhart, and Christine O’Donnell to ask if they’ve ever considered a foursome.

The Vice-President also attempted to call Ann Coulter, but her phone was answered by an nurse at a Florida mental hospital.

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