Russian president Vladimir Putin has offered Mitt Romney a job guarding a large pile of Siberian dog excrement.
The Slavic strongman made the offer at a televised press conference in Moscow this morning when reporter asked for his reaction the results of the American election:
“I’m happy to working again with Mr. Obama,” responded Putin. “And I’m even happier not to be working with the dog-killer from Boston.”
Putin is an avid dog lover, and took particular offence to reports that Mitt Romney abused his dog Seamus by tying him to the top of a car on a long-distance road trip. At the press conference he suggested a career move for Romney:
“Seeing as how this Mitt Romney is now unemployed perhaps Russia could offer him a position in Siberia. I hear the residents of Taymyr burn piles of dog shit for fuel. Maybe we could hire him to guard this.”
The crowd of journalists erupted into laughter, and Putin continued to ridicule the failed Republican candidate:
“Seriously, I hear Romney was a private equity man. He has plenty of experience holding his nose while making a dollar.”
“And he’s clearly not allergic to shit, since it constitutes 99% of what comes out of his mouth.”
“I don’t know if it will work though. As soon as he arrives he’ll probably just outsource himself to the Chinese.”
Putin’s last comment left the crowd in stitches, and the entire exchange has become the top video on the Russian version of Youtube.
Romney’s presidential campaign was stridently anti-Russian in tone, labelling Russia as America’s greatest geopolitical foe and lambasting Obama for attempting diplomatic relations with Putin.