Harper Cried at News of Romney Loss

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper reportedly broke down in tears upon hearing the news Tuesday night that intellectual soul-mate Mitt Romney had lost the U.S. presidential election.

The Conservative Albertan had anticipated a Romney victory and was emotionally crushed by the prospect of not being able to work with the Republican standard-bearer for the next four years of his premiership. 

Witnesses at his official residence in Ottawa say that Harper immediately retreated to his bedroom after seeing the results on Sun News Network, whereupon he began to softly cry into a pillow.

After composing himself he returned to his living quarters and issued a press release congratulating President Obama on his victory.

From Sea to Shining Sea

In an exclusive interview with The Daily Currant Harper explains that without a Republican governing the United States, achieving his aim of re-inventing Canada in America’s image will be more difficult;

“Obviously without a Republican president, it is unlikely the that proposed Keystone Pipeline will be built. This will harm Canada’s economy.”

“But more importantly, this makes it harder for me to privatize Canada’s healthcare system. If even the Americans are moving towards single-payer universal coverage, how can I move away from it?”

“I wanted to dismantle Canada’s universal healthcare system by 2015. Now it might take a bit longer. I’m not going to lie, its frustrating.”

Harper was also looking forward to a Romney foreign policy, hoping to join in an America’s next big adventure in the Muslim world:

“We were gonna invade Iran together. It was gonna be beautiful.”

WATCH: Harper call for a private health care system in Canada:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4tcwSryu7I[/youtube]

 

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