Karl Rove Blames Chobani For Election Losses

Former George W. Bush adviser Karl Rove claimed today that the Chobani brand of strained yogurt is responsible for Republican election defeats last week.

In an interview with Fox News’s Megyn Kelly  the Texan spin doctor explained that the popularity of the Greek style yogurt is spreading “European values” to Americans, making it harder for conservatives to win elections:

“Chobani was introduced in 2005. One year later Republicans lost the Congress. In 2008 we lost the White House. In 2010, despite a favorable environment, we failed to take the Senate. And last Tuesday we couldn’t unseat an incumbent president with 8% unemployment.”

“Every election since Chobani has been around has been a disaster, and it keeps getting worse and worse.”

Liberals Love Lactose

Rove dismissed suggestions that the GOP’s performance was due to the toxicity of their brand with non-white voters or their policy towards women’s rights. and focused the blame squarely where it belonged:

“European food brings European values. The more Americans eat like Greeks, the more they vote like them. Everyone knows New York became liberal when they started importing French macarons.”

Flustered by Rove’s odd new way of excusing his failures, Kelly tried to directly address the question of why Rove’s SuperPacs failed so miserably to influence the election:

“Pretend for a moment that what you’re saying is true. You still spent $400 million trying to elect Republicans and only one of your candidates won. How do you explain that?”

“Megyn, all the money in the world can’t convince someone to vote Republican if they’ve putting socialism into their mouths on a daily basis,” Rove responded, “We did the best we could.”

Karl Rove served as George W. Bush’s political consultant during his two terms as president. Since the end of the Bush administration he has been a Republican fundraiser and television pundit.

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