li-boehner-620-01043246Conservative members of the Tea Party raided House Speaker John Boehner‘s office over the weekend, destroying several thousand dollars worth of property and leaving behind giant bags of tea.

Capitol Hill police were at first stumped as to how the intruders gained entry, but soon came to realize that the incident had been an ‘inside job’ perpetrated by fellow members of Congress.

Representatives Louie Gohmert, Steve Pearce, Tom Massie, and Ted Yoho are suspected of carrying out the vicious teabagging, but a spokesperson from Boehner’s office says he will not be filing charges in the name of  “party unity”.

Witnesses at the scene describe Boehner’s office as “completely destroyed”, with smashed picture frames, soiled carpet, and “shreds of paper and tea leaves everywhere.” On the walls were several Tea Party slogans written in graffiti, including:

“TAXES ARE YUCKY”

“COMPROMISE IS FOR SOCIALISTS”

“WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?”

“NANCY PELOSI HAS COOTIES”

“JUSTIN AMASH WAS HERE”

Boehner was narrowly re-elected Speaker last week with significant numbers of conservative Republicans affiliated with the Tea Party voting against him.

Several prominent conservative activists have called for his resignation, arguing his willingness to compromise over the fiscal cliff tax hikes makes him insufficiently conservative to hold the post of speaker.


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