Researchers from Stanford University today announced the discovery of a cave in South America full of colorless green ideas.
An entire colony of colorless green ideas, or CGIDs as scientists have dubbed them, was found sleeping furiously in the vicinity of Lake General Carrera in the Patagonian south of Chile.
The revelation of the CGID colony marks the first confirmed spotting of colorless green ideas, which were first hypothesized by professor Noam Chomsky in the 1950s in his seminal book Syntactic Structures.
The Stanford team was amazed by number of ideas in the cave, which they described as greater than the number of atoms in the universe.
“The ideas were everywhere,” explains Dr. Ian Malcolm, head of the Center for Achromatic Somnolent Verdant Abstractions (CASVA) at Stanford, ‘They were on the walls. In the water. In the air. Even between the sub-atomic particles. Its a fantastic find.”
The location of colorless green ideas after a decades-long search could represent a turning point in human history.
“We think CGIDs could have multiple practical uses for humanity,” Malcolm says. “It is possible that they could end warfare, hunger, disease, and poverty within one generation.
“Or maybe they could inspire a really cool sequel to Angry Birds. We just don’t know yet. We have to individually check each colorless green idea to see what it contains.”
The first step toward verifying the contents of the CGIDs is waking them up, which Malcolm admits they haven’t a clue how to do.
“The CGIDs have been sleeping since we first got here three days ago,” he says. “I don’t know what they’re sleep cycle is like, but that seems like an unusually long slumber.
“We’ve tried loud music, we’ve tried bright lights. So far nothing seems to be working.”
When contacted by The Daily Currant, Chomsky declined to make a comment on the scientific importance of the discovery, arguing it would be premature to speculate before the findings have been officially published.
He did however express his concerns about the CGID’s spread into neighboring caves, warning that this may be a sign of their “imperial” tendencies.
“I never said colorless green ideas were benign,” Chomsky says. “They could be working for the corporatists too.”