Screen-Shot-2013-08-23-at-4.17.42-PM-21Former NBA star Dennis Rodman held a press conference in Los Angeles today to announce that he is moving to North Korea.

The eccentric sports icon explained that leader Kim Jong-Un has granted him an estate outside the capital Pyongyang and hired him to become the coach of the North Korean national basketball team.

Rodman plans to live in the totalitarian dictatorship part time until at least the 2016 Summer Olympic Games in Brazil, for which the North Korea squad hopes to qualify for the first time.

The bizarre career change comes the week after Rodman returned from a surprise trip to North Korea, in which he became the first American to meet Kim Jong-Un and subsequently described him as a “friend.”

The Dream Team

After his announcement Rodman took questions from the assembled journalists, who were especially keen to inquire about his increasing engagement with a regime known for terrible human rights abuses.

“Yeah, I heard in the media that maybe he’s killed thousands in death camps,” Rodman explained. “But how do we know that’s true? This is the same media that told us that Pol Pot and Stalin killed millions, and everyone knows that was just CIA propaganda right?

“So I don’t know anything about that. You can’t believe what you hear in the media. He’s always been real cool with me, so I’m cool with him, ya know?

“America puts people in jail too. Don’t act like we’re different just because we give them a trial and all that. That’s some nonsense right there. Just some nonsense.”

Asked about North Korea’s prospects for qualifying for the basketball competition at the 2016 games, Rodman says he’s optimistic about their chances.

“They got some good ball players over there, and they just need a little guidance. See that’s what I’m all about. That’s what the Olympics are all about. Trying to bring peace though sports.

“Maybe if Obama stopped all this CIA drone nonsense and started playing more basketball, we wouldn’t be having all these problems.”

Korean Massage

Rodman also revealed previously undisclosed details about his trip to North Korea, including his tour of its satellite launching facilities and an organic dairy farm on the Western coast.

Although he came away very impressed by the entire experience, he focused his most lavish praise on the hospitality of the regime.

“So I arrive and its just laid out for me. I got like 100 girls — all of them fine ass Asian honeys — and they’re just lying there waiting for me. Now how is any man gonna resist that?

“So I tell you, I did what I did. I’m not gonna lie. I gave every one of them a ride on the Rodman Railroad, if you know what I mean. I don’t know how he knew I loved Asian girls, but Kimmy, he’s smart like that.

“And now Kimmy says he’s gonna find a new 100 for me every week. Every damn week! And he’s gonna pay me $2 million a year to be coach.

“I mean come on you honestly think you’d turn down a deal like that? Jesus Christ wouldn’t turn down a deal like that. Don’t tell me you’d turn down a deal like that, that’s just some nonsense. Just some straight up nonsense.”

Rodman said he will be leaving for North Korea in April, and will divide his time between Pyongyang and Los Angeles, where he currently maintains a home.

The U.S. State Department said it had no comment on the arrangement at this time, but insisted that it was following the matter closely.


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