A Georgia man was arrested today for failing to enroll in Obamacare.
According to the Atlanta Times, Clint Bellwood, 28, of Sandy Springs was awoken at his home early Monday morning by a team of FBI agents and taken into custody.
Eyewitnesses say that Bellwood surrendered immediately, but the team nevertheless used excessive and even brutal force to implement the Affordable Care Act’s individual mandate.
“They barged in with their guns drawn,” explains his girlfriend Charlotte. “He put his hands up and they hit him in the head with the end of their assault rifles. He fell to the ground bleeding so I screamed and they Tased me.
“Then they handcuffed Clint. His arms were so far behind his back, I thought they were going to break his shoulders. They dragged him outside and I began to follow them. They put him into a black van. By the time I got outside the van had already sped off. So I went back inside and called the police.
“I can’t believe what happened. He wanted to sign up for insurance, but the website was always down. He got a notice in the mail saying if he didn’t sign up there would be consequences. But God, I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
This Might Sting A Little
The Affordable Care Act, popularly known as Obamacare, was passed in 2010 with the aim of extending health coverage to more Americans. It requires that individuals buy health insurance and provides subsidies to those who cannot afford the cost on their own.
Although this individual mandate was upheld by the Supreme Court in 2012, it remains the law’s most controversial provision, as it essentially criminalizes those who don’t buy health insurance.
Bellword is currently being held at an undisclosed black site and has yet to be charged with a crime, implying President Obama has suspended habeas corpus in Affordable Care Act cases.
“All we know is that the FBI does indeed have him,” the Sandy Springs police chief told the local media. “And we do not appreciate the federal government storming into our state and hauling away a hard-working Georgian for a law we think is unconstitutional. If it can happen to him it can happen to anyone.”
Charlotte says she received a brief call from her husband and now believes that the government may be torturing him as punishment for not signing up for healthcare.
“He said he didn’t know his location and the Feds holding him wouldn’t tell him,” she explains. “After that all I heard was screaming and the sound sparks, like when you connect the jumper cables to the wrong side of a car battery. I’m very afraid.”
“Of course we’re torturing him,” says Attorney General Eric Holder in a phone call with reporters. “This douchebag thinks he screw with my boy Barack’s signature legislative achievement? We’re gonna waterboard this motherf****r until he admits to being a honky and a capitalist.”
While Charlotte waits for her husband’s torture session to wrap up, she is comforted by the fact that her own healthcare plan has actually improved under Obamacare.
“Personally I did get a great deal on my health care coverage,” she admits. “I’m getting way more bang for my buck compared to my previous insurance, so I’m pretty happy about that. This whole ordeal just goes to show that people should definitely sign up.”