Obamacare Death Panel
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The death panels set up under Obamacare ordered their first execution today.

At a hearing this morning in Chicago, the president’s Patient Resource Efficiency Board (PREB) ruled that 86-year-old Dorthy Zborknak has outlived her usefulness and sentenced her to death by firing squad.

Zborknak, a grandmother of four, had worked at Fleur de Lis Florist on the city’s North Side for 40 years before retiring in 1998. Since then she has struggled with diabetes, high blood pressure and kidney failure.

“Unfortunately the cost of her care just became too expensive,” says Peter Johnston, a member of the Chicago PREB who voted to kill the woman. “Her diabetes medicine alone costs the taxpayers thousands each month. And in a few years she’ll need a new kidney.

“Kidney transplants can run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Bullets only cost a few cents apiece. Under the Affordable Care Act, we have the power to make choices about end of life care and I stand by our ruling.

“I know it will be hard for the family to accept what’s going to happen. It will be a rough few days emotionally. But from a financial standpoint, this was a very easy decision.”

Claim Denied

Death panels have always been one of the more controversial parts of Obamacare. First noticed by health care policy expert Sarah Palin, the unelected “efficiency boards” allow the government to kill anyone they deem too costly to insure.

Conservative groups bravely warned against the dangers of the system, decrying both its lack of accountability and the immorality of killing senior citizens to save money.

Tea Party leaders such as Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas and Sen. Mike Lee of Utah led an effort late last year to defund Obamacare and stop the death panels once and for all.

Unfortunately their efforts weren’t enough to save Zborknak, an active member of her local knitting club who would have celebrated her 87th birthday next month.

In the coming days a team of FBI agents will escort her to the execution site in Springfield, where she will be shot by a group of federal agents. The government promises the process will be as humane as possible.

“It will be quick and painless,” Johnston assures. “We’re planning on doing around 20,000 of these a year so speed and efficiency are critical.”

For her part, Palin has vowed to continue fighting the practice. In a Facebook post this morning she lambasted the Obama administration for its actions and gloated that her prediction had come true.

“Dear liberals I TOLD you this would happen. When Obama said ‘If you like your grandmother, you can keep her,’ did you really trust him?” she wrote.


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