Obama Announces Two-Year Golfing Trip

President Obama Holds A News Conference At The White HouseIn response to the Republican takeover of the Senate, President Barack Obama has announced he will tour the country on a golfing trip until the end of his presidency.

“If this election has taught me one thing, it’s that I’ve grown deeply out of touch with the American people and what is going on in this country,” Obama said at a press conference as news poured in of Democratic losses. “Therefore, I’ve decided to leave the bubble of Washington and travel around this great country of ours, meeting with the people and getting back to my roots: as an avid golfer.”

Obama has had much time to work on his golf game in recent months owing to Washington’s political gridlock, which has created the least productive Congress in U.S. history and has obstructed the appointment of several government posts including the Surgeon General, U.S. diplomats, and the federal judiciary.

Republican leaders will likely continue this trend now that they have control of both the Senate and House of Representatives, thanks to their wins in the midterm elections and their stated ambitions to slow, block or repeal Obama’s agenda.

“I think it’s safe to say that absolutely nothing will get done in Washington for the next two years,” Obama said. “So why waste my time and everyone else’s time? Frankly, since 2012 I’ve just been spinning my wheels and keeping the seat warm for Hillary Clinton; therefore, I’m outta here. See you all in 2017.”

The president dismissed the idea his leadership will still be needed.

“I don’t need to be in the White House to order drone strikes or to have the NSA spy on Americans; I can do that through my iPhone app,” he said.

“Besides, Vice President Biden is available if any big stuff like a war happens. He wants to be president anyway, so this will be good practice for him. I think he’ll enjoy it.”

Obama will be golfing solo or with friends such as Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, since none of his fellow Democratic Party golfers “responded to my invite.”

The president then cut the interview short, noting he had booked an afternoon tee time at Virginia’s exclusive Creighton Farms golf course. From there, Obama’s two-year trip will include visits to the country’s most renowned golf courses, including Oakmont in Pennsylvania, Georgia’s Augusta National, Sand Hills in Nebraska, California’s Pebble Beach and Cypress Point, and Hawaii’s Turtle Bay.

In response to Obama’s golf tour, the presumptive next Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell announced a bold political strategy.

“If Obama wants to play golf all day every day, then we’ll find a way to stop him,” the Kentucky Republican said. “We don’t have a plan right now, but we got two years to come up with one.”

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