Kanye Launches Personal Time Capsule Into Space As ‘Gift To Aliens’

kanye_west_time_capsule_space_aliensHip-hop star Kanye West launched a rocket into space containing a time capsule with the intent of communicating with aliens. “I know where they are and who better to represent planet Earth than me?” Kanye told Rap Star Weekly. “It’s my Christmas gift to the world, the galaxy, the universe, to all of existence.”

After two years of development, the $65 million space rocket successfully launched in Okhotsk, Russia at 1:34 p.m. VLAT time zone and was aimed towards the Andromeda Galaxy. The whole West family looked on, as all three stages of the rockets ignited without a hitch.

“I was a little nervous,” Kanye said. “You never know with those Russian rockets. If it was a Kanye-built rocket, there wouldn’t be a need to be nervous.”

The rocket’s nose cone contained the payload time capsule, which was specifically designed inside and out by Kanye. “Everything has to be in the right exact place. It’s a Kanye thing,” he said.

The capsule contained a variety of rare West items, including a locket of hair from his wife, Kim Kardashian, and the preserved umbilical cord from his daughter, North West. “Our genes will now float through time and space, forever preserved. Forever praised.

“My calculations on where to send the time capsule is genius. When the aliens find it, they’ll be able to create the perfect human being from our perfect genes. The West family now expands to the universe and beyond.”

All of the musician’s albums were in the capsule, as well as Kanye’s favorite candy, Airheads. “I put a dozen blue Airheads in there as a peace offering. I love those things as much as I do my family. I stare into my mirror looking at my blue colored tongue after eating every Airhead. That was the inspiration for my last album. Picasso had his ‘blue period’ but he stole that from me and my Airheads.”

A letter was also included in the capsule detailing his life, thoughts, and philosophy. “If I’m going through all this trouble to preserve my legacy, might as well impart some of my vast knowledge on the aliens. Mere mortals wouldn’t understand.”

While the specific details of the letter are unknown, it was reported the letter concluded with “You’re Welcome.”

After the capsule detached from the rocket and was sent on its projectory course towards the Andromeda Galaxy, West proclaimed, “I’m now officially timeless and all of the aliens will know of my accomplishments, greatness, and genius.

“Even if it isn’t opened for a million years, they’ll see it and say ‘Damn! Kanye was the greatest artist of all time.”

Previous articleJay Cutler To Chicago Bears: ‘Whatever, I Quit’
Next articleObama: ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Sony To Grow Some Balls’

Leave a Reply

huzlers