Referees Defeat Detroit Lions 24-20 In Thrilling Wild Card Game

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The Detroit Lions were defeated today by NFL Referees in a nail-biting 24-20 game at ATT Stadium in Dallas.

Quarterback Matthew Stafford threw for over 300 yards against the five-man crew, but came up short in the fourth quarter when a blown pass interference call turned the momentum of the game.

“We almost beat ourselves,” admits Charles Gandil, the game’s crew chief. “We announced a pass interference penalty that would have kept alive a key fourth-quarter dive.

“But then we dug deep, found our second wind and we picked up that flag.”

The referees’ victory means that the hometown Dallas Cowboys will advance to the divisional playoff round next week against the Green Bay Packers.

“The Cowboys and the Packers have the two largest fan bases in the country,” explains Gandil. ”The ratings are going to be huge. We weren’t about to let a mid-market team sneak into the next round just because they played a better game.”

Edward Cicotte, the official who picked up the flag, was named the game’s MVP in a ceremony after the game.

“I just want to thank my mother,” he told the crowd. “Who never taught me right from wrong and always encouraged me to win by any means necessary.”

Later in the evening, the five-man crew was reportedly seen at Bangerz, a local strip club, celebrating the win.

“Some old guy named Jerry paid us 1,000 bucks to give them all lap dances,” says Breastiny Child, a dancer at the establishment.

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