Republican Congress Passes Bill to Landmine Mexican Border

republican_congress_landmine_mexico_borderThe Republican House and Senate passed a bill today that would line the Mexican-American border with over 1.2 million PMZ-40 landmines.

The bill, officially named the Patriotic American Protection Act (PAPA), will place three landmines every 10 feet across the entire 1,989-mile Mexican-American border.

“Explosives are cheaper and more effective than a wall,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told The Washington Times-Picayune. “Building a two thousand mile long wall was unrealistic to begin with. The landmines make much more sense.

“This strategy will also show us where the immigrants are attempting to enter the country and we can fortify those areas with extra explosives. It will certainly make them think twice before attempting to enter the country illegally.”

At $75 per landmine, labor and maintenance would be a fraction of the cost of building a 20-foot wall along the border. Sensors will also detect when a mine has been detonated so it can be replaced easily by a skeleton maintenance crew. “We’ll be getting the biggest bang for our buck,” said McConnell.

Texas governor and potential 2016 presidential candidate Rick Perry championed the bill, telling the Cowboy Gazette, “The good things about land mines is that they can take out adults and children.

“After people come home with some missing limbs, there’ll get the point and stop trying to enter the US. The word of mouth about the land mines will go ‘viral’ as the kids say.”

Perry has fought for tougher immigration reform, as his state has the longest stretch of land bordering Mexico and therefore the most landmines. Perry voiced his approval to the Gazette. “We’ll have the most landmines in the western hemisphere. It’s a proud day to be a Texan.”

Only Limbs Left Behind

The Ottawa Treaty, which made land mines illegal since 1999, was signed by 162 nations including the United Kingdom, Canada, and Mexico. The United States has failed to ratified the treaty.

United Nations Peace Officer Pete Sakes told The New York Times, “We, as humans, banned landmines because of their ferocious nature. They lay in the ground until someone steps on one. We have been diligently removing landmines across the world, and now the U.S. wishes to line their border with them. They are not setting a good example to countries whom we are constantly trying to convince not to set landmines.”

Other human rights groups have voiced their dissent regarding the “Mexican Repellent” bill. People Of Peace president Gwyneth McCarthy told the Times, “I’m shocked. I’d rather see them build that damn wall then place landmines, the only purpose of which is to kill innocent women and children.

“The United States needs to grow up. I’m positive President Obama will veto the bill, but to imagine he has the choice is scary as Hell. If it was up to me, I’d place a landmine up those Republican asses.”

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