Atheist militants bombed The Flinstones writers’ offices in Burbank, California this morning because the cartoon’s depiction of prehistoric life contradicts the theory of evolution.
According to local reports, the suspects laid siege to the compound with a series of grenades and IEDs. They were targeting the creators of the popular cartoon series, but preliminary reports indicate the offices were vacant at the time and no injuries have been reported.
The suspects, who fled the scene in a car driven by a female accomplice, are part of the radical atheist sect, the Charles Darwin Martyrs Brigade, which has links to the extremist group Al Kinda. Witnesses state that as they opened fire, the two suspects yelled, “God is not great, because God does not exist!”
The Flintstones have long been a point of contention for the Charles Darwin Martyrs Brigade. The group insists that the cartoon’s depiction of human beings living among the dinosaurs subliminally pushes a conservative creationist agenda.
This isn’t CDMB’s first retaliation in response to The Flintstones. Back in 2005, the group took credit for a series of death threats to Cartoon Network executives, following the network’s decision to air re-runs of the beloved cartoon. The letters, which were reported to have been written in blood read, “We’ll show you what ‘Bamm! Bamm!’ really means!!”
Anti-religion motivated attacks are on the rise, with a 35 percent increase in frequency in the past five years. Experts say to expect similar incidents to occur as a reaction to the increasing presence of religion in United States politics, particularly on the right, and to religious fundamentalism abroad.
CDMB is not without its sympathizers, however. Renowned evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins condoned the attacks, saying “It’s about goddamned time! This is a perfect example of ‘survival of the fittest.’ That whole ‘meek shall inherit the Earth’ is bollocks!”
Leader of CDMB Speaks Out
The leader of terrorist group, who goes by the pseudonym, “Yezzus Moham-Mad Mosestein,” took to Twitter (@FalseProphet) shortly after the bombing. In a series of tweets, he claimed responsibility for the attacks:
“CDMB strikes again! Keep religion out of our cartoons!”
“May the creationists burn in the infinite nothingness that is death. Please RT.”
“Creationists will suffer the same violent extinction as the dinosaurs. #survivalofthefittest.”
In a demonstration of solidarity, various network and cable channels have decided to simultaneously air episodes of The Flinstones starting at 5 p.m. PST. Thousands of Los Angeles citizens also took to the streets dressed as characters from the classic animated series, many holding Bamm-Bamm’s iconic club as a symbol of defiance.
One protester explained, “I grew up watching The Flintstones, and I believe in evolution. This isn’t about religion, this is about freedom of speech.”