God Denies Having Daily Conversations With Ted Cruz

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God Denies Having Daily Conversations With Ted Cruz

God has denied ever speaking to Ted Cruz, just a day after the Republican presidential hopeful claimed he communicates with him daily.

Cruz made the boast last night, at the first Republican debate of the 2016 presidential cycle, moderated by Fox News in Cleveland.

The event was mostly notable for its surprising focus on comedian Rosie O’Donnell and her war of words with frontrunner Donald Trump. But towards the end Megyn Kelly finally asked the question on every voter’s mind: how often do the candidates communicate with God?

In his answer Cruz implied that he had a close relationship with the almighty. “Well, I am blessed to receive a word from God every day,” he responded.

However, after the event God sat down for an exclusive interview with Fox News’s Sean Hannity and corrected the record.

“Generally speaking I choose not to speak with assholes,” he explained, “And that’s why I’m pretty sure I’ve never spoken to Ted Cruz.

“One of the advantages of being an omniscient being is having a perfect memory. And I can tell you beyond a doubt – I have never said a word to that guy. I don’t know who he thinks he’s hearing – but it’s not me.”

The sitdown interview with the Lord only lasted 10 minutes but he continued with “Humans are always putting words in my mouth. I only even visit that planet every few decades. It’s a big universe and my schedule is plenty busy. I haven’t even watched the Super Bowl since 1985.”

God also exercised his opinion on people claiming to speak to him. “Every time someone claims to be talking to me, I would think about having him or her committed for psychiatric evaluation.”

On if he talked to any of the Republican frontrunners, God said, “I haven’t spoke to any of the Republican candidates. I did however speak to a Mr. Bernie Sanders once. He seemed like a genuine and sincere guy.

“But overall, I don’t care for politics. It’s not my cup of tea.”

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