Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced in a press conference today, that after much thought and careful consideration, he can finally think of one woman who is not, “ a disgusting animal.”
Trump admitted that this discovery took him a while, but as a candidate he realizes that “women are people too apparently.” Determined to get more female supporters, Trump held an intense focus groups at the Trump Plaza where after days of tests and research, he finally was able to discover one female that does not disgust him.
“Sure I have wives and daughters, but they’re not people, they’re family.”
Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump has gone on record urging her father to “take it down a notch.” He’s also been married three times to women many would categorize as “trophy wives.”
“My wives are not people. They’re possessions. I paid for them because I am that rich. And that’s what America needs. Money and trophies. But don’t get me wrong, I like women. I don’t respect them, but I like them. Just the other day I sold some property to a female. Sure, I charged her more, cause she was unattractive, but I sold her that condo, that’s what Trump America does,” announced Trump at a National Organization of Women’s meeting he was not invited to.
Trump recently received a lot of backlash after the republican debate where he was called out for calling women on twitter “fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.” At first Trump admitted he was only talking about Rosie O’Donnell, but after further investigation of his sexist twitter feed that proved to be not the case.
Studies show that if you compile all of Trumps chauvinistic tweets he hates all women. After Trump’s recent discovery that women can apparently vote, he decided he needed to find one female he was okay with, hence his intensive study.
“It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t fun, but I finally found one female who isn’t a fat pig, dog, slob or disgusting animal. She’s as American as they get. A role model. A hero. She’s a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist and a wife. She can truly be anything she wants to be with a quick change of wardrobe and some money. She is America. The woman I support, who I’d also like to prematurely announce as my vice president candidate is Barbie,” Trump announced in his press conference.
Yes, Barbie as in the doll that is made of plastic.
“I’m confident that my support for Barbie will gain me the support of all of California, as she is a role model to all plastic and hence all insecure women. And let’s be honest, pretty people are the only people who count,” Trump continued.
Trump later admitted that if Barbie was not able to run with him, he would settle for Sarah Palin.