Kim Davis Ascends to Heaven

kim-davis-ascends-heavenThe Kentucky county clerk recently jailed for refusing to issue gay marriage licences ascended into heaven this morning.

According to local reports, Davis was about to begin a press conference in her hometown of Morehead when a beam of light from the sky appeared and whisked her into Paradise.

It is believed the evangelical Christian – who’s been married four times to three different men – was rewarded by God for her courage in denying gay couples basic human respect and dignity.

Davis becomes only the second person in history, after Jesus, to have achieved ascension.

In a statement released to the media, God confirmed that he specifically choose Davis for the honor because of her courageous stance in combating gay marriage:

“In the last 2,000 years there have been a number of great individuals I have considered taking directly into heaven – including Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela.

“But Kim Davis outshines them all. No human being better exemplifies the love, kindness and charity at the heart of Christianity.

“As Supreme Being of the universe, countering the homosexual agenda is and always has been my highest priority. And now with Kim Davis at my side, we will work to vanquish this perversion once and for all.”

All that remains of Davis on Earth now are her shoes, which were left behind by the light beam.

Davis’ church hopes to raise funds for a new recreation center by auctioning them on eBay.

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