Donald Trump In Critical Condition After Choking on Own Bullshit

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Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is in critical condition tonight after choking on his own bullshit during a speech in Texas.

The billionaire real-estate developer was giving a speech in front of 20,000 supporters at the William T. Anderson memorial coliseum ahead of the state’s primary on Super Tuesday.

When he reached the part of his stump speech where he promises the crowd that Mexico will pay for a border wall – the bullshit spewing from his mouth fell back into his throat, pinched off his trachea and obstructed his breathing.

Trump collapsed on the stage and was rushed to Johnson Medical Center where doctors performed an emergency stercoronomy.

“I’ve been doing this for 30 years, and I’ve never seen this amount of bullshit,” says Dr. Jack Shepard, who performed the operation. “We’ve pumped 17 pounds of bullshit out his throat and the machine is still running.” 

Trump has led the Republican polls since joining the race last fall, and has won three out of the four primary contests thus far.

Doctors say Trump is expected to make a full recovery, and will be back on the campaign trail spewing bullshit in no time.

 

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