America Celebrates Fourth Consecutive Day Without Deadly School Shooting

america-celebrates-fourth-dayMillions of people across the United States took to the streets yesterday to celebrate the fourth consecutive day without a deadly school shooting in America.

The astounding streak started last Thursday when a gunman entered Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon and killed nine people before committing suicide. Amazingly, four entire days have now passed without another school shooting taking place.

“I can’t believe we made it,” says one reveler in New York’s Times Square. “I was hoping for two days, maybe three days max. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would make it to four.

“I know this will probably end at some point, but it feels so good right now. This is the greatest country on planet Earth!”

Another teary-eyed parade-goer concurs, “I’m so proud to be an American today. Something this great could only happen in the USA.”

The leaders of the UK, France, Germany, Canada and Japan have all called President Barack Obama this morning to congratulate the U.S. on its unprecedented accomplishment.

And the President himself spoke to the nation in a Rose Garden press conference this morning, praising the milestone and challenging Americans to do even better.

“It would be ridiculous to think that America can go ten days without a mass shooting,” he said. “But I’m hoping that if we dig really deep we might be able to make it to seven days. Seven days would be nice.”

The United States has experienced 296 mass shootings so far this year, with many of the most violent taking place in schools. Elevated levels of gun violence compared to other industrialized nations has led many to call for stricter gun controls.

However, National Rifle Association (NRA) president Wayne LaPierre cited this week’s events as proof such controls are unnecessary.

“This impressive four-day run just goes to show that America does not need new gun laws,” he told Fox News. “Clearly the system is working.”

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