Jerry Thompson, an American astronaut who was in orbit this week, claims to have matched with an extraterrestrial on Tinder.
“It’s lonely out in space,” said Thompson in a recent press conference. “I miss the earth so much. I miss my wife. So yeah, sometimes I’ll go on Tinder just to see what’s out there. I always get the message ‘there’s no one new around you,’ but then I saw her.”
Thompson knew she wasn’t from Earth because she didn’t have any selfies or group photos, “No girl in this world could make a tinder profile without having at least one of those kind of photos, that was my first hint.”
Thompson claims she wasn’t your stereotypical green alien. “She wasn’t pretty, she wasn’t ugly. She looked like someone you’d see in a Starbucks. Her race was ambiguous though, she did look like nothing I’ve ever seen.”
The two chatted briefly until Thompson lost service service. Thompson claims he even set up a date with this girl, but she flaked at the last minute like most Tinder matches do.
“It’s very likely that Thompson was able to communicate with life from another planet. Tinder plus is that good.” Said the CEO of Tinder Jacob Smith. “That’s why Tinder is the number one dating app out there, not only in this world, in the whole universe. You could talk to someone in France when you’re sitting in your apartment in New York. So sure, Jerry could’ve easily connected with life on Pluto while he was orbiting earth. And that’s why Tinder plus is worth $9.99 a month.
But not everyone believes Thompson’s story. There’s less doubt about life outside of earth, more that extraterrestrials would have access to a smartphone and Tinder.
“It’s also suspect that there is life outside of earth in the human form. Other organisms like plants, and new species of animals, sure. But a human being? Not possible.” Said Lisa Silvers a representative from NASA.
“Who knows maybe I was cat fished. I don’t care what my wife or the doctors say. I swiped right on an alien,” Said Thompson.
Thompson is currently under psychiatric care in Malibu, California.