Donald Trump claimed today that he his toenails were the best ever in the history of the human race. At a rally in Kansas City tonight the billionaire presidential candidate took 5 minutes from his standard stump speech for an extended dialogue on the topic
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is in critical condition tonight after choking on his own bullshit during a speech in Texas. The billionaire real-estate developer was giving a speech in front of 20,000 supporters at the William T. Anderson memorial coliseum ahead of the state’s primary on Super Tuesday.
President Obama has wasted no time finding a replacement for conservative Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia, who passed away yesterday. At a press conference this morning at the White House, he officially announced his intention to nominate Dr. Jacob Jones – a prominent abortion doctor – to the post.
Sarah Palin has reportedly been stuck for several hours after licking a frozen flagpole outside a rally in Des Moines, Iowa this morning. According to witnesses on the scene, the former Alaska governor traced the pole with her tongue “to see what would happen”. Her tongue quickly froze to the metal, and has been cemented...
Just one day after Spanish-language television network acquired a controlling stake in The Onion for $200 million, another satirical website mega-deal has been announced. Following weeks of hard-fought negotiations, Black Entertainment Television (BET) has reportedly agreed to purchase a 70% stake in The Daily Currant for $300.
A man who miraculously woke up from a 27-year coma last week has committed suicide after learning that real estate billionaire Donald Trump leads the 2016 presidential race. Nicholas Vedder, 56, had been in a coma since 1988 following an automobile accident in his hometown of Albany, NY.
The Kentucky county clerk recently jailed for refusing to issue gay marriage licences ascended into heaven this morning. According to local reports, Davis was about to begin a press conference in her hometown of Morehead when a beam of light from the sky appeared and whisked her into Paradise.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today a $1.25 million bounty on any player who can take out Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s knees, resulting in an injury lasting at least four weeks. During the final press conference before the National Football League 2015 season, Goodell explained the bounty had become necessary after a federal judge overturned Brady’s suspension...
Sarah Palin claimed today that Native Americans should leave America and go back to their homeland ‘Nativia’. In an interview with Fox News this morning, the former Alaskan governor was asked about her support of Donald Trump and his controversial views on immigration.
Many political pundits wrote off Donald Trump’s presidential ambitions after he killed rival Jeb Bush’s pet kitten on live television Saturday. But a new poll released today shows that the eccentric billionaire now leads the GOP field by an even greater margin than before.