Category: Political

Home Politics Political
Donald Trump Thinks of One Woman Who’s Not A ‘Disgusting Animal’
Post

Donald Trump Thinks of One Woman Who’s Not A ‘Disgusting Animal’

Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced in a press conference today, that after much thought and careful consideration, he can finally think of one woman who is not, “ a disgusting animal.” Trump admitted that this discovery took him a while, but as a candidate he realizes that “women are people too apparently.” Determined to get...

Ray Rice Agrees to Fight Ronda Rousey
Post

Ray Rice Agrees to Fight Ronda Rousey

Former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice has finally found a new job. At a press conference in Cleveland this morning the disgraced NFL star publicly accepted UFC champion Ronda Rousey’s challenge to a “no-rules fight” to be televised later this year on Lifetime.  

Astronaut in Orbit Meets Alien on Tinder
Post

Astronaut in Orbit Meets Alien on Tinder

Jerry Thompson, an American astronaut who was in orbit this week, claims to have matched with an extraterrestrial on Tinder. “It’s lonely out in space,” said Thompson in a recent press conference. “I miss the earth so much. I miss my wife. So yeah, sometimes I’ll go on Tinder just to see what’s out there....

God Denies Having Daily Conversations With Ted Cruz
Post

God Denies Having Daily Conversations With Ted Cruz

God has denied ever speaking to Ted Cruz, just a day after the Republican presidential hopeful claimed he communicates with him daily. Cruz made the boast last night, at the first Republican debate of the 2016 presidential cycle, moderated by Fox News in Cleveland.

Planned Parenthood Defends Selling Fetuses To KFC
Post

Planned Parenthood Defends Selling Fetuses To KFC

Planned Parenthood has defended its decision to sell aborted fetuses to fast-food giant Kentucky Fried Chicken, arguing that simply disposing of the bodies would be a “waste of protein”. The United States Senate failed to defund Planned Parenthood this week, after a highly edited tape showed a potential client trying to purchase stem cells from...

Hulk Hogan Polling 2nd Place in Republican Primary
Post

Hulk Hogan Polling 2nd Place in Republican Primary

Hulk Hogan may have lost his job at the WWE, but a new poll shows the former wrestler may have a future career in politics. Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, was caught on tape this week using racial slurs and admitting that he is racist against African-Americans.

Greece Celebrates New Bailout With Epic $142 Million Beach Party
Post

Greece Celebrates New Bailout With Epic $142 Million Beach Party

Greece celebrated securing billions in new bailout funds yesterday by throwing an enormous $142 million public beach party outside Athens. According to local reports an estimated 430,000 people attended the massive all-day event, which the Greek government organized to “relieve national stress” caused by protracted bailout negotiations with the EU and IMF.

Donald Trump’s Hairpiece ‘Made In Mexico’
Post

Donald Trump’s Hairpiece ‘Made In Mexico’

Donald Trump may be a leading critic of Mexican immigration to the United States, but new documents have revealed that the Republican presidential candidate may in fact be part Mexican. According to a report in the Mexican newspaper La Grosella, the real estate mogul’s signature hairpiece has been custom-made in a factory outside Santa Nounlugar...

Bestiality Surges Following Gay Marriage Legalization
Post

Bestiality Surges Following Gay Marriage Legalization

Law enforcement authorities across the United States are struggling to contain an epidemic of bestiality days after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage nationwide. Almost immediately after the decision was announced last Friday, throngs of psychologically normal people suddenly became attracted to animals and began to act upon their urges.

Confederate Flag Kills 7 At Alabama Shopping Mall
Post

Confederate Flag Kills 7 At Alabama Shopping Mall

Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting. According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers.