Cory Booker Gives CPR to Random Person at Super Bowl

wpid-bk3mdr21-1280x708-e1376085268460-257x164.jpgNewark Mayor Cory Booker gave CPR to a sleeping elderly fan during the Super Bowl tonight, in an unnecessary attempt to save her life.

The 88-year-old woman fell asleep late in the first quarter. Booker, assuming she was dying of a heart attack, sprung into action and began giving her mouth-to-mouth.

The Jumbotron in the New Orleans Superdome captured the incident and labelled Booker a hero. However, when paramedics arrived on the scene they realized that the woman, Blanche Devereaux, had simply been sleeping and had no immediate health concerns whatsoever.

Devereaux, a retired art curator from Atlanta, Georgia, says she has no plans to file charges against Booker and laughed off the misunderstanding.

“At my age you get used to people thinking you’re gonna die at any second,” Devereaux quipped. “But this young gentleman in particular seemed very eager to think I was dying and save my life in front of all these people.”

Fans cheered when the Jumbotron showed Devereaux awake and enjoying the game. A clearly embarrassed Booker lurked in the background, apologizing profusely.

Pute Médiatique

Some of Booker’s critics have pounced on the incident, suggesting that Booker acted too quickly because his insatiable appetite for positive media coverage overwhelms his competence and common sense.

Aides to Booker go even further, suggesting that his entire presence at the Super Bowl was a planned attempt to perform such a feat in front of a televised audience.

“Statistically there are two or three heart attacks per Super Bowl,” an anonymous aide said. “Mayor Booker thought that if he toured the stadium looking for old people he might be able to save a life and get enormous media exposure.

“It looks like that plan backfired.”

Witnesses at the scene confirm this account, saying they saw Booker wandering the stands looking for someone to save.

“Yeah, this guy wasn’t even watching the game,” says one Ravens fan, “He was just walking around different sections staring at the old people. Looked like he was waiting for something to happen.”

Booker has been the mayor of the economically depressed New Jersey city of Newark since 2006. He has achieved notoriety because of his dauntless self-promotion and unusually frequent appearances on national media outlets.

Booker is expected to run for the U.S. Senate in 2014.

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