Man Awoken From 27-Year Coma Commits Suicide After Learning Donald Trump Leads Presidential Race

A man who miraculously woke up from a 27-year coma last week has committed suicide after learning that real estate billionaire Donald Trump leads the 2016 presidential race.

Nicholas Vedder, 56, had been in a coma since 1988 following an automobile accident in his hometown of Albany, NY. 

An engineer by training, Vedder spontaneously awoke last Tuesday. Doctors say he had been optimistic about resuming his career and reintegrating into society – – until a chance encounter with a visitor changed his perspective.

“I thought it’d be cool to show him my iPhone,” says Dustin Douglas, a childhood friend. “So then he started playing around with the CNN app and saw a story about Donald Trump running for president.”

“He asked me if it was a joke, and I told him it wasn’t. Trump is actually leading the polls for president. Two hours later we found his body hanging from the ceiling.”

Vedder left a note beside his bed explaining his motivations.

“Although I admire humanity’s progress during my slumber,” he wrote, “I simply cannot live in a world where Donald Trump is a serious candidate for President of the United States.”

Administrators at VanWinkle Memorial Hospital claim that Vedder showed no signs of psychiatric distress prior to learning about Trump’s presidential campaign. Nevertheless, they have promised a “full and complete investigation” into how the suicide occurred on their watch.

Funeral services are scheduled for Thursday at St. Boulchitte Church in Loudonville.

The family has asked that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the presidential campaigns of either Ted Cruz or Hillary Clinton.

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