Obama: ‘Catalonia Must Be Free’

U.S. president Barack Obama endorsed independence for Catalonia today, saying the time had come for the long-suffering Spanish region to jettison the ‘authoritarian’ yoke of Madrid.

In a surprise speech to the UN General Assembly the recently reelected Obama called for an immediate referendum on Catalonia’s fate, with hopes of ending the 900-year ‘Castilian occupation’ of the prosperous northern region: 

“For too long Spain has forced Catalonia to accept state-of-the-art high speed rail lines, world-class public services, and incomes twice as high as the global average.”

“Madrid cruelly inflicted the Olympic games on Catalonia in 1992. And in 2009 it heartlessly built a brand new international airport terminal on their territory.”

“The United States can no longer sit idly by as this velvet oppression continues. We stand with the Catalan people against their Spanish oppressors.”

Homage to Egomania

Obama explained to the assembled dignitaries that the situation in Catalonia should be the world’s top priority at this moment:

“We cannot afford to be distracted by events in Syria, Congo, Somalia or Afghanistan. The world’s attention must be squarely focused on the anguish in the streets of Barcelona.”

“Let’s not think about the child soldiers in Africa, the starving mothers in India, or the millions of political prisoners in North Korea.”

“Let us think of the poor Catalan millionaire, being forced to spend .004% of his income so that a Galician child can eat.”

Obama then ended his speech with a rousing call to action spoken in flawless Catalan:

“Catalunya ha d’estar lliure”

 

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